Train Your Brain
: The Five Essential Skills© Rick Hanson, Ph.D., 2005
Using the Will
: Key Points"Helping yourself keep wanting what's good for you . . ."
Introduction
Concentration
Building the capacity to concentrate, to sustain a focus of attention, helps burn off the sluggishness and unconsciousness that undermine your virtues and purposes.
Basic instructions for doing a concentration meditation:
You can think about all that other stuff later. Keep letting that other stuff go to return attention to your breath.
Being For Yourself
There's a fundamental question of whether you are for yourself, whether you are on your own side. Especially regarding your true, deep interests: your long-term health, well-being, happiness, love, and success.
For some, this comes naturally, while others - especially those who were criticized, neglected, or shamed a lot as children, or otherwise have developed a sense of learned helplessness - have to work at it.
Four different ways to cultivate the attitude of being for yourself:
Let these ideas become feelings in your body, feelings of simple consideration and decency toward others.
Now imagine or get a sense of yourself as another one of the people on the planet. Perhaps imagine meeting yourself in a group, in a work setting, as a neighbor, etc.
Try to apply the same standards of fairness and decency toward yourself that you would naturally apply to anyone: why not you, too?
Try to bring the same feelings, the same emotions, of care and goodwill to yourself that you would naturally bring to other people.
Now get a sense of yourself as a little child. Good. Try to apply those feelings of caring to that child you once were, long ago.
Now sense the young parts that are still within you today. Maybe get an image of that, perhaps an image of a child. Apply feelings of caring, of sweetness, tenderness, even love, to those young parts inside you. Soak this in.
Perhaps also think of specific wounds or needs or long-time desires in yourself, and offer lovingkindness that is related to those.
You can experiment with different forms, like "May I feel good about who I am" or "May you, John (or Susan) feel good about who you are."
You can use both all-purpose statements - like "May I stay healthy" - and ones specific to particular needs or issues, like "May I release my anger. May I stay cool with the kids. May I think before speaking."
For example, bring to mind some aspect of your life, or some way that you are, that would clearly get better if you were more on your own side, if you were more supportive of yourself to go in a better direction. Consider how it would help and contribute to others, for you to be for yourself in that area.
Try this for a second example of how being for yourself would be good for others.
Key Virtues
Focus on "Taking In" a sense of confidence that you really can put into practice, that you really can live by, your best intentions.
A single word will often do, but it's OK to add some additional words if that's what speaks to your heart.
For each one, first get the feeling, sense, or even posture of that virtue . . . and then soak in that feeling (i.e., Taking In).
Sometimes it helps to be a little quiet in your mind and ask your innermost being - or even the Divine, if that's meaningful to you - for what it thinks.
It's OK if there's a bit of wincing or remorse as you do this; remember that you are being a good person in your willingness to acknowledge where you could be even better.
Some classics, just to prime your pump: Patience. Restraint of anger. Courage. Sobriety. Cheerfulness. Determination. Love. Generosity.
Now for each one, take 30 seconds or so to do three things:
Life Priorities
Like Health, Spirituality, Love, Pleasure, Marriage, Childrearing, Career, Creative Expression, Finances.
Write them out as a list.
One way to do this is, ask yourself if you could have just one of those priorities fulfilled, which would it be? OK, then take that one off the table and repeat the question with the remaining priorities.
Make any notes to yourself about anything you want to start doing differently.
It's OK to feel abashed, chagrined, or remorseful. Let those feelings become a conviction that you want to live truer to your real priorities . . . and let the feeling of that conviction really sink in.
Concrete Admonitions/Aspirations for the Day, Week, and Month
Daily
Weekly
Under it, list bottom-line do's and don'ts for yourself that you want to do each week.
Monthly
Under it, list bottom-line do's and don'ts for yourself that you want to do each month.
Reflection
Now imagine that you - as that older, future you - are reflecting on what happened in your life when you started living by the admonitions/aspirations you just created.
Looking backwards from that future point in time, really imagine how your life unfolded on the basis of the admonitions/aspirations you just created.
Try to consider specific aspects of your life in this light, such as your career, or your love relationships, or your spiritual/personal development.
Really help the fruits of this consideration sink into you.
Conclusion